Sniper Season

Sniper: A person who shoots from a hiding place, especially accurate at long range (Oxford dictionary)

Sniper season is a season where no individual is off limits, a season where one word, one phrase, or statement can distract you. Anyone can snipe you from enemies, friends & family, all the way to teachers, it’s best to try and not let your guard down.

These words, phrases, and statements will cause distraction in your ability to perform tasks or achieve goals. They may have you thinking you are not good enough. They can even have you doubting loved or trusted ones. Sometimes your loved ones can snipe you unintentionally and may not realize what they’ve done.

Examples of ways you are being sniped or sniping.

“Yo! Why your coach not playing you?

“You sure you want to start that business a lot people are doing that?

“Girl you sure getting thick, you pregnant?”

“You would kill if you transferred.”

Its human nature to think that the individuals you chose to be in your inner circle or family want the best for you. And it is not an unrealistic expectation. Because reality is that most people that are the closest to you don’t know what the best decisions are for your life. And don’t understand what to say to encourage you on a higher level. Its ok to have input on major life decisions, but the ultimate decision maker is you.

Coaches Wives Club

Q: Is there a coaches’ wives club?

A: Yes, in my eyes there is! Q: Whom does it consist of?

A: Wives that hold each other accountable, positive thinkers, celebrators, ones who cry with you without dwelling on your feelings, and those who tell you the truth with love.

From head coach wives to the assistant coaches' wives no one is off-limits for this club. The only thing this club doesn’t do is drama, you save that for yo mama.

My tribe of women comes from all over and what’s even better is that we found each other. There are no rankings or hierarchy we just support each other as needed. Plus, open communication, building trust, and finding common goals have made our relationships strong. And in a community where everyone is trying to build connections having people you can trust is key. Especially since these connections help move your husband through his career, you’ll need bonds that aren’t forced or transactional.

Another good thing about the “club” is that we all understand that business can get BUSY. So, it’s good to have a support group that knows you’re not going to be able to talk every day. We’re always rooting for each other whether we are close or distant. And we all know not to take it personally if we can’t connect or get together. The understanding is that I want you to succeed just as much as my own family. Life is too short and the only people who understand my life are other coaches’ wives.

Am I A Supportive Spouse?!

I always say if you must ask yourself a question than you usually already know the answer to it. As wives and mothers, we wear many hats and play many roles in this play we call life. One role we play is the supporting role, often times you might ask yourself “Am I being supportive enough?” But before we answer that we must answer, “What is my spouse’s coaching language?” And once we have that answered then we can began supporting our spouses that best suits their needs.

So liiiiseeeenn!! I’m telling you to ask yourself, “Have you figured out your husband’s win and loss moods?” My husband is a silent loser. What does that mean?? First, he’s quiet for the first thirty to forty minutes after a game. Next, he goes into rant mode where he analyzes everything wrong and/or right about the game. Finally, he wants to know my thoughts. So, you could say my husband’s coaching language is words of affirmation. He just wants to know that I’m paying attention to him and his interests/careers/etc.

Now, that we’ve answered what his coaching language is let’s answer am I being supportive enough. Yes, going to games is a plus making sure the house is taken care of PLUS not making them feel bad for being a coach is a lot to handle. Your spouse already knows their job is demanding. They know it pulls them away from their family, trust me they know --so you don’t need to remind them. They also know you have been home with the kids all day, wrestling with schedules, making appointments, and possibly working a demanding job yourself. But guess what ladies, I hate to say it and you hate to hear it, but this is what your life has become.

Not everyone’s life is the same, but maybe you can find something to relate to. I’ve been the wife in a city where the only support was other coaches’ wives. Where much of my life was me, my kid, basketball, and work. And until I decided to make basketball a part of my family and not just my husband’s job things were not great at home. I blamed my husband’s job for my unhappiness, and I needed to figure out happiness for myself. It was the fact that my husband was living out his dream and I felt like I was just there. And nothing makes you tap into yourself quicker than being in a city without friends or family! Happiness is getting therapy, to be able to have the courage to be who and what you want to be in life. Has nothing to do with, materialistic things or other people. Your happiness in life is what you make of it. I’m not telling you to hide your emotions or the way you feel about things from your spouse. Just don’t live in it because then it becomes frustrating for him and you. Which then turns into him feeling bad for choosing a dream job to support his family.

So, basically the best way to support your husband is by YOU being you and HIM being him but TOGETHER. As wives we have to learn how to support and uplift our husbands still giving him the business when he deserves it because that part is just in us. It’s part of our push to make them great and where they can be better at supporting us. But understand that you must pick your battles and it’s ok to let things slide. And like a close friend once said finding your tribe is the only way to survive this life!