• keya Collins

If your husband received a coaching offer today and wanted to take it. Are you the wife that asks “When do we move?”, or are you the wife that wants to carefully consider all your options before you let your husband accept the offer? To some wives this is a no brainer, but to other wives this is not such an easy decision. No doubt the first move you make being a coach’s wife is always the hardest. I’m not saying that any move is easier than the next, but eventually you get used to it and create a system for yourself.

Here is the deal, when I met my husband I knew what I was getting myself into. Or at least I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. Let me explain. I knew my husband’s love for basketball, I knew he wanted to be a head coach of a D1 basketball program. I did not know that we would have to move around the world in order for him to achieve this dream. From day one I sat in the gym watching him coach AAU girl’s basketball, attended games at the start of his career when he was just a Graduate Assistant, and even being down with moving to Johnson City, Tennessee when he received his first major job offer.

It has never been a question on supporting my husband and his career, even when it involved putting my career on hold to support his dream. I have learned, however, that not all wives are like me. Some wives are dedicated to their careers and are driven by their jobs. Moving requires a significant amount of consideration for them. I have come to realize that with coaching, one great job offer leads to better offers that can land you where you want to be in this business. The down fall of this business is that declining one offer could mean that you are not considered for others, maybe career changing ones.

So hypothetically speaking, if your husband received a coaching job offer today are you ready to move? And could your decision not to support his move lead to a life of resentment on his behalf? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. This decision is one that can only be made by two people who were put together to conquer a journey.

“We can conquer the world you and I, you and I, you and I……..”

Stevie Wonder

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  • keya Collins

Often times, people look at coaches wives and utter the words, “I know you’re glad basketball season is over!” And I often times want to say “what season?” The season is never over for basketball, or any sport for that matter. Even after “the on court season”, we still have travel/recruit season, training season, or walk around the house and talk on the phone season. A common misconception is that each sport has a season and though there is a playing season, the season is never over. You may ask how players and coaches prepare themselves to play the season, and my response is “Coaches now have to figure out who is a practice star and who is a game day star, long before ‘the season’ begins”.

On court season is the season where everyone gets to see if the team, a coach has put together, will live up to expectations. It’s the season where you cheer your favorite teams to conference championships and possibly NCAA tournaments. It’s the time coaches get to see whether or not their hard work and dedication has paid off. It’s when families watch their coaches from the stands and cheer as hard as possible, for a winning season.

Travel/recruit season is the season when coaches are able to go out and see players that they are interested in, play AAU ball. This time is spent determining whether or not that ‘star player’ they’ve been scouting, is good enough to play on their team the following year. It’s the time they spend on the road, away from their families and sometimes as a vacation. Many of these trips require coaches to leave on Thursday and not return home until Sunday, at the earliest. They map out their trip to plan how many players they can visit within a close radius; to maximize the weekend. Coaches spend all day and night in gyms, watching the players that were on their radar and also discovering players that have not yet been recognized.

Training season is the season where coaches put all the puzzle pieces together. This is where they spend time figuring out who will be their starting lineup during the season, who they will red shirt for the next season, and who reign as the star of the team. This is also when coaches spend countless hours figuring out which plays to run. This season usually takes place in the summer and right before on court season. Coaches will watch countless practice films, from previous seasons, to identify ways to build a stronger team than the previous year. They are always brainstorming ideas to keep fans happy, while also proving to themselves that they still have “it”.

Walk around the house on the phone season, is an all year around season. This season is when coaches get their leads on the next big athlete and when they have endless conversations with the other coaches about games, future players, and different plays. This is the season when coaches have conversations with their players about what is expected from them during the upcoming season. Coaches are at home pacing the floor, being oblivious to their kids bouncing off the walls and their wives just trying to make it all work; during this season. This is the part of coaching most people don’t know about. It is the time when the coaches phones are glued to their side because every call is an important call. This is likely the realest and most difficult season for families. As a coach’s wife, if you don’t understand this part of the season, you will struggle to understand the other seasons that come within “the season”.

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  • keya Collins

“Namaste,” say it with me and all your troubles will disappear. Ha! Don’t we wish it was that easy. As a parent and spouse we’ve all accepted the fact we’re not perfect. But does that make life any less stressful. As a coach’s wife, I am hit daily with balancing my life plus two other humans. One being my husband and the second being my 8-year old son. From the, “Babe can you?” To the “Mommy where is my?” O! Don’t I wish I could, “Namaste,” and boom it’s fixed. But that is okay, I can’t fix my life, but I’m going to Iyanla Vansant fix your life. No, I’m not, but just maybe I can give you some tips that has helped my anxiety.

I have come to realize that nothing or no one can come before you. If you don’t take care of you than who will. Face it if you can not be your best you, then how can you be your best you for your family. I know you are reading this asking, “ How do I do that?” “I can’t even go to the bathroom alone.” “Namaste,” 1. Never feel bad about saying no 2. Plan out activities and daily chores(make a list). 3. It’s okay to just go with the flow. Using myself as an example I used to pride myself on everything being perfect. So perfect that I would drive myself crazy. I would have all this built up anxiety that I would run around like a crazy person yelling for things to get done. The only person that was stressed and overwhelmed was me.

I quickly learned to be consistent with asking my husband to tell me things in advance ( don’t flatter yourself he still hasn’t learned). “Namaste”, also, I’ve taught myself to plan out when my son has activities at school, games on the weekend, or just extra anything going on. Through the week I get as much washing and cleaning done as possible. Does it always work out as planned? Heck no! That’s why I have taught myself no matter how much it drives me crazy just leave it. Does it make my anxiety any less? Nope! But I feel like I have better control over my life when I can talk myself through. Yes, my anxiety is always at an all time high when I have things going on. That is when I stop and go through my list of things and start checking things off so I can feel accomplished. And it helps with the anxiety. “Namaste.”

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@2020 Married 2 Basketball  LLC