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  • Writer's picturekeya Collins

Am I A Supportive Spouse?!

I always say if you must ask yourself a question than you usually already know the answer to it. As wives and mothers, we wear many hats and play many roles in this play we call life. One role we play is the supporting role, often times you might ask yourself “Am I being supportive enough?” But before we answer that we must answer, “What is my spouse’s coaching language?” And once we have that answered then we can began supporting our spouses that best suits their needs.

So liiiiseeeenn!! I’m telling you to ask yourself, “Have you figured out your husband’s win and loss moods?” My husband is a silent loser. What does that mean?? First, he’s quiet for the first thirty to forty minutes after a game. Next, he goes into rant mode where he analyzes everything wrong and/or right about the game. Finally, he wants to know my thoughts. So, you could say my husband’s coaching language is words of affirmation. He just wants to know that I’m paying attention to him and his interests/careers/etc.

Now, that we’ve answered what his coaching language is let’s answer am I being supportive enough. Yes, going to games is a plus making sure the house is taken care of PLUS not making them feel bad for being a coach is a lot to handle. Your spouse already knows their job is demanding. They know it pulls them away from their family, trust me they know --so you don’t need to remind them. They also know you have been home with the kids all day, wrestling with schedules, making appointments, and possibly working a demanding job yourself. But guess what ladies, I hate to say it and you hate to hear it, but this is what your life has become.

Not everyone’s life is the same, but maybe you can find something to relate to. I’ve been the wife in a city where the only support was other coaches’ wives. Where much of my life was me, my kid, basketball, and work. And until I decided to make basketball a part of my family and not just my husband’s job things were not great at home. I blamed my husband’s job for my unhappiness, and I needed to figure out happiness for myself. It was the fact that my husband was living out his dream and I felt like I was just there. And nothing makes you tap into yourself quicker than being in a city without friends or family! Happiness is getting therapy, to be able to have the courage to be who and what you want to be in life. Has nothing to do with, materialistic things or other people. Your happiness in life is what you make of it. I’m not telling you to hide your emotions or the way you feel about things from your spouse. Just don’t live in it because then it becomes frustrating for him and you. Which then turns into him feeling bad for choosing a dream job to support his family.

So, basically the best way to support your husband is by YOU being you and HIM being him but TOGETHER. As wives we have to learn how to support and uplift our husbands still giving him the business when he deserves it because that part is just in us. It’s part of our push to make them great and where they can be better at supporting us. But understand that you must pick your battles and it’s ok to let things slide. And like a close friend once said finding your tribe is the only way to survive this life!

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